From An Awakened Eye

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

For I know the Plans I have for you...

That is the verse that I have been running through my mind day after day.
God knew we would be in this spot in our lives.
I thank him for friends to call on and that have lived through similar life changes.
Who understand the meaning of change.
So {change} it is in every area of my life and 
for that I am greatful. 
I don't want to look back
this time next year and be in the same  
place spiritually, mentally and physically.
I want to live a healthier lifestyle,
be more social with close friends
and bless people in ways that stretches
and strengthens my faith.
I am so blessed beyond measure.
So a year from now I will be living in a home of our own.... 
...Just the thought of hearing pitter patter of my little Eli
 across the floors of our home
is just breath taking and I know it will
all feel like a dream when it comes true.
We have ordered our plans for our home and
I am truly excited and nervous at the same time.
I am so thankful for a healthy husband and baby.
I am reminded of this every day.
I am so thanful for the opportunity
to build a new home
to raise our babies in.
Thankful for the breath of life and
all the "God winks"
I see every day.

I have to tell you a little "God wink" that happened at 4:30 this morning.
Eli has not been sleeping through the night and he is waking every 2-3-4 hours
and it is taking a toll on this full time working mommy.
But this morning as I slid out of the bed to go get him out of his crib
as he was crying and tears streaming down his face...I peep over the crib and he
just smiles...{heart melting here}.
In that instant it doesn't matter that I have only had 2 straight hours of sleep.
All that mattered was that sweet smile.
As I was changing his stinky, stinky diaper, I look up and he flashes
the same silly smile at me, as if to say "thank you mommy for
getting that stinky off of me."
If it wasn't 4 something in the morning I would have
ran and grabbed my camera to capture that smile,
but there are just some moments that a picture
can not hold and they are carried in your heart forever.
So Blessed!
I have a healthy little 5 month hold to kiss his toes
and have heart melting moments like these at
4 am. SO worth the sleepless nights, SO worth it!

Jeremiah 29:11-14

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Somthings gotta give

Cha, Cha, Change that's the theme song for us right now. I am extremely overwhelmed and sleep deprived which then preceeds the waterworks of tears. I am praying that I catch some type of break somewhere, but just when I see a break around the corner it dissapears.
Work... is overwhelming and I am frustrated in the lack of team work. I'm drowning and I don't even care to fight anymore. Things have changed so much in the past 4 years that it's not even the same place I interviewed for. I'm frustrated and tired.
Home... still in search for one. No hope in sight. Can't decided on land to build either. So we are living with my parents until we figure something out. I am discouraged and again exhausted.
We took last week off and went to the obx and honestly it wasn't much of a vactation for me. I did catch 2 hours on the beach for myself in which I slept the entire time.
The Car... well we have a used 4-runner and the check engine light is on with several other lights. We had it looked at before we left for the beach and well it's al down hill from there... so J is searching for another car.

I keep asking myself if I am depressed and I'm not. I just cry alot. I guess it's normal post pardum and still hormonal from breastfeeding. On top of all the uprooting and change. I just keep thinking that somethings gotta give. I keep praying for guidance and peace. It will come. God is with us, I know He is. I just feel so far away from normal and missing church so bad. It's nearly impossible to take Eli into church. It's during his nap time and he doesn't sleep through the music and preaching. My sweet mom offered to rotate every other Sunday and keep him for me to attend.
I am loving being a mother. Being a wife right now is hard. We are stressed out and sleep deprived. We just kiss one another, roll over and pass out. I expected different, but whew not this much change at one time. We both just squeeze our little boy and one look at him makes it all better.  I am so thankful that we have Eli during this time.
 J brought a car up for me to look at yesterday to my work and while sitting in the car we watched as several very pregnant women passed by. We both agreed that it would be horrible to be that large and hormonal in July and at this time in our lives. I am thanking God for sending us Eli at the perfect time for us. He knew all of this change would be coming our way and we would need to be reminded of His promises. 
It will all settle soon and His will will be done. I'm just hanging on to this crazy ride, hoping it ends soon at a safe and quiet destination.
  As for today I am counting my blessings of health, love and family. Those are the most important things in this world. One day all of this will perrish and will really be all that matters. 

Jenny H