From An Awakened Eye

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Somthings gotta give

Cha, Cha, Change that's the theme song for us right now. I am extremely overwhelmed and sleep deprived which then preceeds the waterworks of tears. I am praying that I catch some type of break somewhere, but just when I see a break around the corner it dissapears.
Work... is overwhelming and I am frustrated in the lack of team work. I'm drowning and I don't even care to fight anymore. Things have changed so much in the past 4 years that it's not even the same place I interviewed for. I'm frustrated and tired.
Home... still in search for one. No hope in sight. Can't decided on land to build either. So we are living with my parents until we figure something out. I am discouraged and again exhausted.
We took last week off and went to the obx and honestly it wasn't much of a vactation for me. I did catch 2 hours on the beach for myself in which I slept the entire time.
The Car... well we have a used 4-runner and the check engine light is on with several other lights. We had it looked at before we left for the beach and well it's al down hill from there... so J is searching for another car.

I keep asking myself if I am depressed and I'm not. I just cry alot. I guess it's normal post pardum and still hormonal from breastfeeding. On top of all the uprooting and change. I just keep thinking that somethings gotta give. I keep praying for guidance and peace. It will come. God is with us, I know He is. I just feel so far away from normal and missing church so bad. It's nearly impossible to take Eli into church. It's during his nap time and he doesn't sleep through the music and preaching. My sweet mom offered to rotate every other Sunday and keep him for me to attend.
I am loving being a mother. Being a wife right now is hard. We are stressed out and sleep deprived. We just kiss one another, roll over and pass out. I expected different, but whew not this much change at one time. We both just squeeze our little boy and one look at him makes it all better.  I am so thankful that we have Eli during this time.
 J brought a car up for me to look at yesterday to my work and while sitting in the car we watched as several very pregnant women passed by. We both agreed that it would be horrible to be that large and hormonal in July and at this time in our lives. I am thanking God for sending us Eli at the perfect time for us. He knew all of this change would be coming our way and we would need to be reminded of His promises. 
It will all settle soon and His will will be done. I'm just hanging on to this crazy ride, hoping it ends soon at a safe and quiet destination.
  As for today I am counting my blessings of health, love and family. Those are the most important things in this world. One day all of this will perrish and will really be all that matters. 

Jenny H


  1. Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I'll certainly remember you in prayer! It will get better!! :)

  2. Sweetest Jenny,

    Bless your heart! I can honestly say that I feel so much of what you are you say, its not depression, its just exhaustion, sleep depravation and the perils of trying to establish life with a newborn.

    I love my Lleyton to pieces, but I'm exhausted, have no time for me or for anything else! The only time I have alone is when I take a bath and that's usually at mid-night. Lleyton doesn't sleep through the night, although its my mission to "try" my pediatricians advice to teach him to put himself back to sleep...wish me luck!

    My body seems so out of shape and I've gone from the workout queen to feeling frumpy and dumpy. But, I did join a nearby gym and have started back...although I miss my old club, trainer and workout group, but I'm fortunate to be able to have the new gym nearby.

    Some of the overwhelming feelings have gotten better, as I hired a part time nanny. She comes on Tues and Thurs from 1-5, giving me 8 hours a week to do errands, grocery shopping or just get a haircut or pedicure. I feel liberated and look forward to this time, but I miss my sweet boy and feel torn.

    On the car front, mine is a money pit and its time for it to go! I'll be going from an executive BMW to a Volvo wagon and can't wait...hubby just needs to get on board! My computer crashed and so did my phone...que the tears! Everything is broken, or so it feels like it.

    I cry at the drop of a hat, you're not alone. The hormonal imbalance is awful and no one can explain how it makes you feel or how long it lasts. I just cried on my own Mother not so long ago and she just held me. Take your mom up on keeping Eli, give yourself a break honey. In the meantime, I'll be lifting you up in prayer...this too shall pass.

    Much Love and Prayers Always
    ps email me anytime:

  3. Girl, I'm thinking about you! You aren't alone! We've all been there! xoxo