From An Awakened Eye

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

There are no rule books for this...

In this journey of IF I believe over 50% of my friends have either had babies or became pregnant. To me it feels like 90%. Just in the past 4 weeks I have heard of 2 "unexpected" pregnancies. I am guessing that I hear of one on estimate about every 2 weeks. It's hard and it hurts. It's a painful reminder. Although while swallowing my pain I am sincerely happy that it was "easy for them" and didn't "take as long as they had thought". I wish they truly knew the blessing of that. The truth is they never will grasp how precious the life inside them is or was unless they have walked beside someone who has experience the IF journey.
  Burden Bearers, for them I am truly grateful. They have stood beside me and prayed that God {speak life into my womb}.  They will {Never} know how incredibly touched and impacted I am by their support and encouragement through this journey. They have been there in the hard days and the horrible days and the days that look like they will never end. Just knowing they are a phone call away is a comfort I can not explain. Just knowing they are there has brought me so much peace. They have truly {cut the hole out of the roof} to lower me down to visit the Master Doctor. Friends like these are hard to find and you {never really know who they are} until you need them to carry you.
Such friends live just miles from me, others 600 miles and some in between. Some I see weekly and others yearly. Regardless of the distance and their busy lives they have taken out countless moments to call and say "just thinking of you today" or share a verse that spoke to them in a devotion for that day. Some are mothers, pregnant and some walking through their own IF journey. Most I know personally and have known for years. Some have found me through my blog. Some have just felt compelled to pray after reading our journey and have sat in the "stands"  cheering us on, having never been on the field themselves in the game. It all means SO much to have prayers and support from each and every  one of them.
Some of you have expressed that you do not feel adequate to pray or pour into me, when all the while it has not been the words, thoughts or scripture, it is simply knowing your there in the stands praying your heart out to the creator on behalf of me and my husband and the desire burning with in us. 
Your doing all the right things for me. Praying. Fasting. Texting scriptures. Emailing sweet words. 
If I could I would have the biggest Spa day for you all and pamper you until your toes were pretty and pink and your skin was softer than you have ever known it! 
I would. That would be my dream to repay you.
You know I wonder how the "guy lowered through the roof" repayed his friends? Really? The Bible doesn't describe specifics. Wonder what methods of thanks he would have in their culture? Oil? Wine? Weaved rug?
So onto the explanation on the title of this post... I can not find a rule book on this anywhere.  I've decided to write my own. Literally. I am in the process of writing a book about this journey for those going through it, friends and family and those who want to just be nosey about the subject.  
I don't expect it to be a thick book, just a useful one.
So here is what one chapter will be about... sneak peak if you will. ;)
Chapter 1
My Best friend is {Pregnant}
First of all this situation is horrible all the way around—no doubt about it. But that’s what friendships (the good ones at least) are all about—dealing with the good and the bad. You can only hope that you are lucky enough to have friendships that survive. For anyone who has been in the IF boat you know this is a hard blow to both involved. No one tells you how to handle this situation and no one plans on having to face it. It just happens,  unexplained spontaneous life into your best friends body and no one has control over the situation.  What you do have control over is how you tell the person your expecting. Unfortunately, you don't always have full control of your reaction. 
   In our 15th month of TTC (trying to conceive) our friends approached us and announced that they were unexpectedly expecting. Although it felt like the breath had been kicked out of me, I was truly happy for them, but could not catch my breath to get the words out. Literally, J had to do all the congratulating. He later told me that I had been rude by not replying with a happy gesture. {This is 101 on men and IF}. This is when I first learned that he and I would not see eye to eye on certain situations during this journey. This was later confirmed by a male friend who had been through 3 IVFs with his wife. He described a similar situation that happened to them with the same end result. He warned me then to not expect J to understand me through all this and know that we will both process things differently and in the end that is a good thing. To this day J will tell you I was rude and I will tell you I was in shock and speechless. Both true of the situation. However the situation could have been different for the both of us and instead of ending in hurtful tears for the both of us ladies involved, it could have been tears of joy, sorrow, morning, excitement, grief and encouragement together for the four of us. Now I'm sure she did some praying on the matter before telling me, however there isn't really a situation in the Bible with details like she needed. {shrug} When in doubt always talk to someone who has been on the other side of the situation so that you can gain insite on what the other person may be feeling. If you don't have a personal resource, you can always find real people with real post on google. I did when I researched to see if every women felt the same way as I did.
In my quest for finding out a what my friend and I could have done better I found the following at """
1. Break the news yourself.

Betsy said, "Kate hurt me by concealing her pregnancy." She explained that she didn’t want to upset me, so she waited until word got around. Her news was easier for me to handle than the fact that I heard it from someone else. When the woman who told me said, ‘Didn’t you know? I thought everybody knew,’ I felt left out and humiliated. Yet mostly I felt insulted—did Kate think I would commit suicide over it?"

2. Tell them in private as soon as possible.

Including an infertile friend among the "first to know" makes her feel important as the member of an elite group. It also gives her time to adjust to the idea before she must smile though the public announcement. Louise said, "When I hear a baby announcement in a crowd, I feel the social pressure to be as gracious as Queen Elizabeth while everyone searches my face to assess what feelings I’m hiding behind the facade. I appreciate being forewarned."

Sharon told her friend, "I know this will be hard for you to hear, but I wanted to tell you before we announce that I’m pregnant. I’ll be telling everyone late next Wednesday, so if you want to slip out early, I’ll understand."

3. Have the attitude that pregnancy is special.

Sometimes by trying to keep from "rubbing it in," happy couples minimize their joy and communicate begrudgingly, "Don’t be jealous of us because this pregnancy is an inconvenience." Yet the idea of an "unwanted pregnancy" seems especially unfair to those with deep yearnings for child.

Lori confided, "Our friends announced they were expecting at a time when I was especially discouraged about our infertility. They emphasized that it was a ‘mistake,’ making it sound like they were taking their child for granted. That attitude upset me."

4. Expect the news to hurt.

Dee said, "I deliver the opposite of what people expect. If they expect me to take it hard, I appreciate their sensitivity so much that I can be happy for them. When they expect me to jump up and down, I’m not as positive because I feel like they’re expecting too much."

Two of Joy’s friends announced their pregnancies within 24 hours of each other. When Gina was the third, she hugged Joy and cried, "I wanted so much for you to be first." Her sensitivity made it easier for Joy to be happy for her.

5. Consider making the announcement in a letter.

Sometimes the most thoughtful way to announce your news is by sparing your friend the face-to-face confrontation. Dropping her a note lets her recover from the painful feelings before she must say anything.

Ruth’s best friend had been trying to conceive for five years. When Ruth discovered she was pregnant with her third child, she wrote, "We are expecting again. I wish I were there to hug you—I don’t know if that would even do any good. I know you’ll be happy for us, but I know it’s painful, too, and that’s okay. Please continue to be honest with me—I want us to be able to keep sharing like we always have. We know our friendship is strong enough to handle it."
When Susan finally conceived after sharing the mutual bond of infertility with a co-worker, she knew her friend would feel isolated. Finally she sent a note that said, "I’ve written this to you three times. I keep tearing it up because it’s too hard to say. The fact is, infertility is just plain hard. I want you to know I had a positive pregnancy test this week. Call me when you feel like it. Believe me, I’ll understand." Her friend ran for the phone.""

For those who are Burden Bearers and have NEVER experienced infertility your self this may help:
1. It IS ok to feel badly for your friend who is going through infertility……it’s a horrible, dark and lonely road.
2. It is NOT ok to brush the subject of infertility under the rug—because it is very real for the 7.3 million women going through it every year.
3. I was always happy for my friends who were pregnant. ALWAYS. I never wanted my unhappiness to overshadow their joy. But that said it was not easy to sit through baby shower after baby shower. Eventually I stopped attending—would always let my friends know why and would send a gift—it was NEVER ABOUT THEM…..It was to difficult for me. I believe this is true for many.
4. It is NOT ok to not invite your infertile friends to your baby shower thinking you are doing them a favor. It is very hurtful.
They will be expecting the invite and when it doesn't arrive, it's like shoving them underthe rug and enjoying the day with your other friends. You wouldn't not invite a friend to a Pampered Chef party when the rest of your girlfriends were invited and you know she couldn't afford anything. That would hurt. Instead write a special note on the invite or write a seperate note to slip into the invite that explains to her that although you do not expect her to come, you want her to feel apart of her life and that you will be thinking of her on the day of the shower.
5. It is NOT ok to let your infertile friends hear about your pregnancy through the grapevine. But that said —I always wondered why sometimes I was the call they made 3 seconds after peeing on the stick. I still get those calls and I will never understand why. I find it strange.
6. When #4 and #5 happened to me it saddened me to think that my friends though so little of me. It is impossible to rise to the occasion when your friends assume that you can’t or won’t.
7. So how do you tell your struggling friends you are pregnant? I always appreciated a friend who called and said this: “I am not sure how to tell you but I love you and I want you to hear it from me. I’m pregnant.” A perfect phone call in a not so perfect situation. I always thought those friends showed true courage and great strength of character. Try to steer away from an impersonal email—-truth is it just shows you don’t have the guts to say it live or face to face.
8. It is NOT ok to complain to your infertile friends how terrible you feel during your pregnancy.
Facebook is a horrible place to post your feelings during pregnancy. Good or bad. I do realize the person has the ability to {hide} your profile, but they are your friend and they may want to check in to see what else you are up too.  There have been many post about cravings and morning sickness that have made me want to reply "be thankful for that!" or "if you only know how I long for that same feeling and how frustrating it is that my body will not conceive like it was created to do."
9. It is NOT ok to say that you wish you weren’t pregnant and that it was unplanned to your infertile friends—this information should be kept to yourself.
10. It IS ok to love your infertile friend.
She would like nothing more than a note in the mail or text message
that states that you just had her on your mind.
11. It IS ok to tell her your heart aches for her.
She wants to know you are there. Just as a person who is grieving the loss of a family member, misscarriages and the inability to conceive carry the same heaviness. Although it may be hard to find words to say, just a simple "my heart aches for you" or "my thoughts are with you today" speaks to the hurting soul of a woman.
12. It IS ok to cry with your infertile friend. I have always been told that when you show emotion with someone in crisis then it lets them know
13. And it is most definitely ok to be over the moon happy for your friend when she becomes a mother—no matter how it happens.
14. Most importantly—always think how you would like to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot. Think before you speak….. evaluate the word that would stand out and be negative to you during a crisis. "Still" "Again" "else"
And if all else fails just say “I’m sorry—that was insensitive” if you put your foot in your mouth……believe me, it happens to the best of us.

Food for thought….

From the other side of the coin….
-unknown author
What do you do when you are the pregnant one with no fertility issues, and suddenly your best infertile friend is (poof) gone? This is what happened to me and it was very hard to deal with. After months and months of being there for my infertile friend, I learned that I was pregnant and bam — she was gone.
Having not walked in those shoes, I certainly tried to understand how hard it must be for someone in this position. But for a moment, can’t I just say “what about me?” Having your first pregnancy/childbirth is a very scary thing. Hormones are a ragin’. The marriage changes, your perspective on work changes. Everything. And what’s a girl to do when she has no BFF to lean on during these somewhat stressful times?
After my first child was born, it took her 3 months to come and visit. I was hurt beyond repair. That was almost 5 years ago and our relationship will never be the same. Thankfully, she now has 2 children of her own and that part of her life is now happily fulfilled.
But I will never forget how she wasn’t there for me, or my child.

Abundance is... Burden bearers, family, friends, hope in prayer to a living God who speaks.

Friday, June 25, 2010

He is Faithful

    I set the alarm for 6:30 this morning. To get a shower, actually shave my legs and get by the store to pick up a few last minute things for the party, but I kept hitting snooze. I ran out of the house with my hair freshly dried and scrubs slightly wrinkled, they fall out within an hour. Off to my chiropractic appointment at 8. While waiting for Dr. Melanie to open {I am her 1st appt of the day} I heard a beautiful song by Carey Roberts. I have no Idea who she is, but the song  lyrics went like this, "No matter what I'm going to love you, no matter what I'm going to find you." It was an incredible song that reminded me that I have to keep loving God and seeking him. I want to with all of my heart to "get back into the game" and the song helped me to regain focus. So today is a good day.
  Well today is the day Dr. T wants me to take a HPT. I REALLY don't want to. I spotted on Tue and figured it was over. I have done this before and started on the usual day I was due.  So I told myself and anyone that asked that it was "a negative" this go around. So in obedience to my MD I stopped by Wal-mart and bought the darn thing. I didn't have the same feelings that I normally did, actually no feelings at all, just as if I was buying a coke or something mundane. Now I knew it would tell me the same results, but I wanted to tell someone, "just checking to see... I had insemination 2 weeks ago and the doctors orders are to take one of these darn HPT today." No idea why I had that urge. I think if the sweet older African American gentleman would have given me one more second in his look, I would have blurted it out! (the whole I had IUI 2weeks ago spiel.) Instead I just smiled replied "good how are you" and kept walking. I was excited that I saved a dollar with the coupon on the front of the hpt box and there were several inside that I know I will be using for later IUI's.
  So I ran home to dip it... yeah I had saved the 1st morning's in a tiny plastic cup and sat it on the back of the toilet. TMI I know but hey I don't do #1 alot in the day, so I had to save it. I remember telling J, "these things never shock me, maybe one day they will"...Okay on to the story of dipping the stick that I so dreadfully didn't want to do. So I dipped the stick, counted to 5 one thousand and recapped it and laid on the back of the toilet. To pass the three minutes I clipped the coupons that were on the instructions for another PG test and OV test, laughed about the OV test and tossed the rest of the instructions in the trash.

 I picked up the HPT and wiped my eyes, I had {2} pink lines, wait a sec {wiping the eyes} and moving to better lighting, I yelled "Babe" in unbelievement. He replied "yeah". I walked into the laundry room holding the stick with {2} pink lines and said, "we have {2} pink lines" Still not believing my eyes. I laid  it on the washing machine and just watched it get darker and darker. By this time I have no idea if the 3 minutes had passed, which was totally not like me, I always time it by the book. He grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug with tears in his eyes. I believe this was the deepest cry that I have ever cried to God in thankfulness to an answered prayer.  I remember bursting into tears saying "I don't believe it yet." I think I kept saying over and over, "we have {2} pink lines". He returned to ironing his shirt and said "yeah I can see them from here!"
So I was wrong...We are FINALLY PREGNANT!
 I was praising God and putting my hands on my belly saying to Him, "if there really is life in here, THANK YOU." I threw my hands up in praise and cried some more. I am still in shock. I totally knew it would be negative. I had coped with that on Tuesday. I had put my game face on got "back in the game". 
  I called Selena at the clinic and stumbled when I left the message on the machine, "This is Jennifer, and um, I don't have my medical record number, but my birthday is ..., and I have {Two} pink lines on the HPT and I think we need to confirm with a serum test. She called me back 15 min later and chuckled saying "so you have two pink lines huh?" and advise that I come in for labs. So off to the clinic I went and waited several hours for the results.
 Around 1:32 Selena called with the results.
Jennifer: "This is Jennifer"
Selena: "This is Selena from the Reach clinic."
Jennifer: "Hi Selena, how are you today."
Selena: "Your doing really good today!"
Jennifer: "I am"
Selena: "Yes you are, you are definitely pregnant."
She then proceeded to tell me the HCG was 119 and the PG was 16.9 and she wanted me to come in on Monday for labs.

Praise you Father for giving me this Promise!
I am still in "stick" shock,
and will have to look at the test again when I get home.
I will not believe it until I hear a heart beat.
Father, I thank you for speaking life into my womb.
You have heard my prayer
and We are so thankful for this Promise 
that you have spoke into existence.
You are faithful!
So faithful!

To all of the burden bearers who have prayed countless hours for us, {thank you}!
It is because of you that countless days I found strength in Him to get out of bed to face another day. It is because of your prayers, support and kind precious words that I held onto the hope found only in the Creator of Life.  I can not wait to see what He has in mind for this precious Promise that we have a eagerly awaited and prayed for.  Our Promise will be due here on earth March 2011!  HE IS FAITHFUL!

To all of you ladies in the waiting for your Promise, know that He is faithful. He hears your prayers and heart longing for a child. He will answer you and comfort you during your wait. Surround yourselves with those who understand to pray for you and uplift you in the promises of God. He is your only hope in your time of desperation.  I have not forgotten you, I have not jumped off your boat and left you behind. I am remaining on the boat with you rowing just as hard as you are for {Your Promise}. Every time I think of my Promise I pray for yours. Please know that I understand that it hurts to find out that God has spoken life once again into someone Else's womb other than your own. It hurts and is confusing and feels as if you have missed a promotion that you exceedingly qualify for.  Please don't take this as "another friend is pregnant", but see it as a miracle has been answered and yours is on the way too!  He will speak life into your womb and it will possibly be when you least expect it or when you most doubt it, as I did. I don't know when He will do it and only He knows when your baby is due to be here on earth. Look at Hannah with her son Samuel. What if Samuel would have came to earth years before his time, then the entire story of Jesus' life would be off a few years. Each baby has a purpose here in this earth and only He knows what people that child will touch, impact and move people's hearts for Him.

Abundance is...  life in my womb! After 18 months of begging God to bless us with a child. For this child I have prayed. I Sam. 1:27   He is Faithful!

Thank you Father for this precious gift of life inside me. I am amazed by your creation today and so very thankful for what you have done in me.

All my love,

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Better Days with Friends

This morning has been a better. I had my chiropractic appt today 8 am and I just LOVE my Dr. She is easy to talk to about scripture and prayer. I have had a certain person burning on my heart and she helped me talk it out during my adjustment and before I left she asked if she could pray with me. What a blessing!  I needed that first thing today. I was sitting in the car looking for scripture on friendship because that is the topic I will be talking about tonight in ENVOY and found this one:

Proverbs 27:6
 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.

At first I was a little confused with the terms "wounds" and "kisses".
it kinda seemed backwards fro a second and I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I asked Dr. Trexler how she took the verse and when she explained it I totaly got it!

Wounds aren't always harmful.

{WHAT} that doesn't make since!
When done in love, they are not meant for harm, but for good.

The message puts it this way:
"The wounds from a lover are worth it;
kisses from an enemy do you in."

It's kinda like when you lovingly tell your DH that you really don't like his new hair cut.
Or telling a friend the guy she is dating isn't the Godly man she has prayed for because you have seen a different side of him in his actions and it doesn't portray Godliness.
Almost like constructive critisism.

It isn't something you want to hear, but need to hear it if given in love.
It's like a paper cut on your finger that will heal in a few days and doesn't leave a scar, but is annoying for a few days.

I will expound on the word "cut" in just a bit.
Off to work...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Against all Hope

Deep breath... well AF visited today. I guess it is a blessing in disguise. It has been a hard 2 weeks. We made the deal that J was to go buy the PG test and he was to read it. At least we get to save our $ this month. :(   It makes my heart rate increase every time I walk by the PG test in the store so I refuse to NEVER buy another one in my lifetime.

So on to the next month of wishing my life away. Hopefully it will be a better one. So for now this is how God is speaking to me today and I will desperately hold onto this today.

Romans 4:18 - 22 NIV
18.Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations.
19. Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead -
and Sarah's womb was also dead.
20. Yet HE DID NOT WAVER through unbelief regarding the promise of God,
but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God,
21. being FULLY PERSUADED that God had power to do what He promised,
22. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness"

Things I hate about myself right now:
I hate that it is hard for me to hear about strangers having u/s to find out the sex of their baby.
I hate that it is hard for me to see a young teanager in the grocerystore with her bluejeans unzipped, shirt screaming "I'm too small for this" and a baby bump ready to pop open to the floor.
I hate that it is hard for me to see baby bumps PERIOD!
I hate it. It is so envious!
I have done everything to change my way of thinking and I have been successful with my coaching,
but my heart has not been convienced.
It still beats a little harder when I find out
another friend is pregnant,
now showing a baby bump,
or shopping for maternity clothes.
I did come to the conclusion that I am not envious of toddlers and older children.
I love them! They are so funny and get my mind off everything for a few seconds.
They bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart.
It's the bump that reminds me of what I do not have
and so desperately would give my life  
for to have life with the DNA of J and me,
moving and living in me, nurtured by everything I consume.
I don't understand.
Some people can walk and breathe down the same hallway and conceive.
Why is it so difficult for us?
I am at a loss.
I hate this part.
I hate this feeling.
Lord show me what it is like to not weaken in my faith.
I honestly believe you can breathe life in my womb, I mean you did it for Sarah at a ripe old age.
My question is why is it so difficult?
I have been begging 
seeking your face with my every being 
and still,
no life inside me.
I don't get it and I know you are telling me "I don't have to get it."
"Be Still" 
I hear You!
I don't like it!
I know you hear me because you answer me.
So, please hold every tear dear and
pour them out as blessings on my children one day.
That is all I ask.
Please don't let this sorrow and pain be in vain.
Please don't let the tears be in vain.
You have a plan.
A Purpose.
I am hurting.
You know that.
You know I don't like this process.
Show me how to
 "NOT WAVER through unbelief regarding the promise"
strengthened me in my faith
 Father today I give you Glory for
your unfailing plan and your desire for us to have
children to love and share Life with.
Father I praise you, that our children will be blessed
because of their divine appointment on this earth.
I praise you for the happiness they will bring You in praising Your name
in their very existence.
I praise you for the many smiles they will bring to your heart in
their innocent dance of life.
I praise You this day for the Hope we have in knowing
You are omnipotent, omnicient and
know and want the very best for us and our children.
- your daughter,

Abundance is... Life and it's very existance.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day!

What can I say I am a Daddy's girl... his Princess to be exact. In every card he signs... to my Princess. I am the only girl of 4 children. My dad will tell you he prayed for me. I am 10 years younger than my other brothers so that kinda makes me like their "only child" since I was seven. Yep, that's right, my last brother married when I was seven.
So today I made my dad dinner. We had Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, garlic bread and P.D. Banana Pudding! Oh my, are we stuffed!
Me & Dad
Excuse the hair... it was a long day.
Rewind to Saturday...
I was by my self a lot this weekend because J worked and
DJ'd a wedding Sunday night {I know what a night to get married?}
so this is what my weekend with the "girls" looked like...

A Chicken Broccoli Ring I made Saturday for lunch!
 comment if you want the recipe.
I'm too tired to put it up tonight, but don't mind sharing later.
Step 1:
Step 2:

Us waiting until it baked in the oven for 15 min:
This is what they do while I cook... They want to help so bad!
Taste test that is! ;)
Blurry Reagan and Braylee:

Our 1st time eating apples! We love them!

Ta-da! Perfecto! Yummy!
an no I didn't eat the whole thing, I actually made a smaller one for myself and split it with J.  I was recycling chicken we had gotten at Milano's and some broccoli that was in the refridge.

Chilling out Sunday night after a long day

Tuckered out!

Night Night...

It was a long frustrating day. You ever had the feeling "the day was not my own"? 
I was not able to do things that I had wanted to do today.
I had a shower to attend from 3-5
Wedding... that I didn't go to.
I was able to try a new recipe out for my dad that was a hit.
I have decided that my kitchen is my happy place.
I just whip up whatever and wash away my thoughts in the sink.
Today was more tough than I thought.
I feel guilty that J is going through another Father's day "fatherless".
I feel I have failed him in not being able to bear him a child to celebrate this day with.
{shrug} completely natural, but this is the bottom of my frustration today.
Along with 2 of our friend have announced in the past week that they are expecting.
I am happy for them. It was easy for them.
They had not invested the months of praying fasting and crying,
 begging God for a child as I have, and it hurts.
It has nothing to do with the fact of what we have materially to provide for a child.
We could provide everything, tomorrow!
That adds to the frustration.
I see people expecting and they own nothing, not even the roof over their head.
That is why God will provide for them and be their Provider.
Just as He will be mine, in a different way.
I will never understand why my trial is before the conception and their trial is after.
I could handle a 9 month trial period.
Just tell me where the first pit stop is of this triatholon.
Or if there is a finish line and will I cross it with my arms full?
Yeah, it will probably be another restless night.
Going to bed now... frustrated, irritable and hormonally drained.
I snapped at J tonight and come to find out I heard him completely wrong.
So I am putting myself to bed before someone gets hurt. :(
On to a better tomorrow!

Abundance is... A wonderful Father who loves me and almost tears up every time he hugs me.
I am his heart and I still have a finger print on it.
Forgiveness for all the ugly thoughts I have had today, for worrying
when it's not my place to worry.
For loosing it when it's not my place to hold it.
Grace that covers it all.
Mercy to make it through another day.
Heavenly Father who is the giver of {forgiveness}, {mercy}, and {grace}.
{deep breath} It will happen.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Happy Birthday J!!!

Today is J's 29th B-day and we have a full agenda. We are both working today and so his dad is meeting him for lunch at O'Charlies and his mom is making dinner for us before church tonight. I have ordered a panthers sheet cake from Sam's {YummY!} I accidentally ordered a full sheet that feeds 50 people! Oops! I plan on serving it tonight in Fills'. Whew I am pooped just thinking about all we have to do in 4 hours! Oh well, It's my crazy life and I love it!

Random facts about me:
(I was sharing this with a friend today and just thought I would post it)

I love the colors purple, aqua and green. I will take them alone or in any combo. I shy away from the color blue.

Friday is always date night for J and I. Sometime we go out and other times we hang out in our hot tub... no worries it is the temp of a pool ;) That was def. our best investment on our 2nd anniv.! It is like having a vacation get away on our back deck.

Saturday... My favorite day of the week because I get to sleep in! I am very much a night owl. This Sat I am having lunch with my God-sister, Natalie. She is a newly wed and they are so cute in trying to figure all of this out. She is a little mini-Me. Come to think of it we are to meet at Panera and I think I am Panera'd out! Although the BB soup was really good.

I may have a photoshoot on Saturday afternoon. Not sure. It's newborn pics of a RN's newbie that I met as a patient of mine when she was 6 mo pregnant. I think she knows Mere too. It took them 16 mo. to conceive their 1st and this was #2 for them. So we will see on that.

I love taking pics of anything that will fit into the frame of my camera! Did you know that? Check me out! It's my online stash or portfolio as some call it.

I am extremely organized at work, but at home I am too pooped to keep it all together. That has just came about in the past year. We get behind on laundry and it just snuggles in the basket until it is worn. I promised myself that I would NEVER live like that. Oh it is aweful! So I can see some cleaning this weekend for sure! Especially with the house up for sale.

Sunday I plan on doing some studying of the Word and see what God would have me share next Wed. to Envoy. {college/career age} They are so hungry for God, yet to spoiled. So we will see what comes out.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Surprise Party flipped into "Will You Marry Me" Party!

Today on Kelly's Korner Show us your life she is asking people to share their engagement stories. I just love hearing engagement stories even before I was ever engaged myself. I guess I am  mush for true love stories and it says a lot about the couples' love.  I have pictures to share so I will wait until I get home this afternoon to post those. So here's
{Our Story}

We had been dating since High school. I remember our first dance like it was last week. It was August...we were at a friends birthday party at the Ranlo Lodge one month after meeting at the beach for the first time.  I had became friends with one of his childhood buddies Brandon, or "B" as I call him and he came over to me and said that J wanted to dance the next song with me. I was thinking to myself, does this guy really like me?
Because I am not in it for the games.
 J was DJing the party and he started the song "Say it" by Voice of Theory and he came over and asked me to the dance floor as he grabbed my hand not even waiting for an answer. As we were dancing I looked at B and mouthed "does he really like me?" He just shook his head yes. I was in love with this sun kissed Blondie! Or so I thought at the ripe age of 17!
{Our Engagement Story}
7 years later... I am a nurse working a Children's Hospital and He is a biology graduate pursuing a career in sales with Alltel. He called me at work and told me to come straight to his house afterward because we were going out for Chad's birthday. I told him that I didn't have any clothes to wear and I would need to go home. He replied with "no, I will just have Autumn go get you something from your house". Mind you I must have been clueless because I live about 25 min from either of them and why in the world would he send my best friend all the way to my house to get clothes?
{My mom was in on this too}
So I drove over to his home and when I got there lying all pressed, over his bed, were the 2 outfits I had requested. I quickly jumped in and out of the shower, chose one and jumped in the car with no make-up on!
He said we had to go by the Ranlo Lodge to drop his DJ equipment off and set it up for the party the next night. So over to the town of Ranlo we went. I remember being in his black explorer and crossing over I-85 thinking "it's a really good day".
 It was a sunny day in July, the 15th to be exact! ;)
He pulled up to the small yellow lodge and said well,"let's go in". I told him I would just wait in the car. I didn't want to walk up the shady leaf covered path to the lodge in my new Nine West heels.  He opened my door and said, "well I'll just carry you!" So I climbed onto his back and he "carried" me up to the lodge. 
Once he sat me down and opened the door my eyes fell on the hundreds of candles and rose petals on the floor. I  teared up!  I just knew it would never happen.  Here we were 7 long years of growth together, ups and downs, college and his parents divorce. It really was all surreal. He walked over to his DJ equipment that was already set up and started playing our song, "Say It". We of course danced.  He was so nervous that when the words
"So please hold out your hand
And lets exchange these golden bands
'Cause I want you in my life
I want you to be my wife"
we fumbled with the ring in his pocket and then got down on his knee and proposed.
I of course said "YES!"
I was so shocked that I didn't even look at the ring!
But when I did I was even more shocked!
An emerald cut!
He asked, "do you like it?"
"Of course I do!"
He picked it out himself and was quick to tell me that he was now and expert on diamonds. ;)
He had at this point bought me 3 because it is my birthstone.
He purchased it from Solomon Brothers and it had appeared in several magazines. 
It is actually still on the first page of their web page. {shrug}
It is a Criscut which I had never heard of, and honestly didn't tell him that I didn't care at the time.
It was beautiful and so shiny! 
To this day I have no idea the weight of it.
Size doesn't matter to me. 
He chose it as carefully as he did me.
All that mattered is my last name would soon change to
match his and that was a dream come true!
After the song was over I asked how he lit all the candles and managed to not burn the place down?
My best friend Autumn was hidden video taping the whole thing.
She was the culprit!
After ward we met our friends to celebrate at Maggiano's
On our way there I called my mom and squealed,
but she already knew... she had packed my clothes
& J had asked my parents several days prior.
We have tons of pictures, and you know what?
I didn't have a stitch of make-up on!
I had forgotten all about it.
{Shrug}{Oh well}
I would have just cried it all off anyway
and I had a good tan!
We married 16 weeks later!
November 5, 2005

I later asked why he chose the Lodge and he replied with "well, I could have flown you to Paris and you would have known, I could have taken you back to the spot where we met at the beach and you would have know. So with my history of not being able to keep secrets from you... I figured the Lodge would be the most unlikely place with the most significance since we are building our home in the same town as the lodge."
Awe... how sweet and thoughtful.
And he is absolutely right!
I would have known and not been surprised a bit by a trip somewhere
and he knew how important it was for it to be a surprise!
I was in love and surprised for sure!

  "Say It"
Voices of Theory

Am I giving enough?
Is it all that should be?
When water gets rough
Will you still swim with me?
So afraid to come close
And maybe too soon
And maybe too much
For you to consume

And I wanna know if I
Can live inside your world
And I wanna know if I
Can give it to you girl
You know that I want you say it
You know that I need you say it
You know that I love you say it

Our love just goes on and on and on
You know that I want you say it
You know that I need you say it
You know that I love you say it
My love just goes on and on and on

I gave you all that you need
There's no better place you can be
And I know that in time
You will believe in me
So please hold out your hand
And lets exchange these golden bands
'Cause I want you in my life
I want you to be my wife

My girl so special
I want to give it all to you
Loving you on and on
My girl so special
I want to give it all to you
Loving you on and on

*** I have a reader from Africa and I would love to meet you! You are reading my blog right now!
Super excited to have friends from afar!
Please comment and follow so we can *meet*

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Postcard from.... Palm Beach, Aruba!

I am SO excited!!!
J just emailed me and said he had some bad news and asked if
 I wanted him to call me or just email me?
Of course I freaked out!
But he emailed me the confirmation that our trip to
Aruba has been booked! 
Super excited!!!
Here are a few pictures of the place we will call home for 7 days!!!

And this is us getting into our Mercedes...
Oh yeah forgot to tell you I went platinum blonde!  

Daisypath Vacation tickers

Monday, June 14, 2010

What do Spaghetti and Schizophrenia have in common?

Scatterbrained, Spaghetti & Schizophrenia:
My crazy flight of unfocused ideas on a
Monday while running on auto pilot

Oh I have to tell you about a couple we met over the weekend...

Geeze I have 7 messages on my VM...

Ok I have to complete the schedule for tomorrow....

Seriously I have to call these patients...

This gum is getting old...

It is hot in here, did I hear someone say the AC is broken?...

This has been my thought pattern all day!  I am driving myself crazy. I have gotten nothing done. You know when your house is upside down after Christmas and all the decor needs to go back up in the attic and you have so much to do and don't know where to start? Yeah that's me except it's not Christmas and the list really isn't that long. I really need a cigarette! Just kidding I have never smoked a day in my life, as you can tell I am delirious, or maybe I meant hilarious.
 The MD I work with called from the "horse pistol" {hospital} and asked how I was doing? He and His wife went through this whole process 7 years ago so that helps. I told him that I was having a hard time concentrating.  In his usual joking manner he offered me a beer, just for a laugh! He knows I hate alcohol, but he said if I change my mind he will go get me one. He wants us to have kids so bad. You can tell he has been in our shoes.  The one thing he told me was to never assume that J understands what I am feeling. He admits that he never did understand C. He spoke of it as {stepping in land minds} when he had flipped the wrong button for C.  I like the way he explained it all though... he called them hurdles.  "Just look at them as hurdles Jen, then when they become brick walls... just start digging under them."  When he first put it that way I thought "I can do hurdles" my mind wouldn't let me even go near a brick wall. 
They had male and female infertility factor so they tried 2 IUIs and decided to go for the IVF 3 times and they have twin girls and one little queen bee to show for it. 
C told me in the beginning...{It will happen}
When I can't see through the fog, I just say it over and over {It Will Happen!}  
I am tired from the mind race and hormones screwing with my emotions.
A blog friend Andrea said yesterday how very tired she was,
I really understand what she means.
I need a nap!


Abundance is... that I am not a hospital floor nurse today with kiddos and parents looking to me for their meds or needs to be met, a loving husband who is always a phone or email away, great co-workers who bear with me through this journey with their support and prayers. Sigh it's been a long week and it is just Monday!

What do Spaghetti and Schizophrenia have in common?
Have you heard of the book "women are like spaghetti and men are like waffles"?
Or something like that, I have never read it, but it was explained to me as:
Well the spaghetti idea is that our {women} brains are like the noodles and we have one thought that is next to a million other thoughts and so therefor we can have a billion and one thoughts all at the same time. {whew} that wore me out! So that's how I pulled in the schizophrenia. Google that one if you need to.  ;)

Friday, June 11, 2010


{6:45}Today is IUI 101. It has been a calm day. The sun has been slow to wake this morning and the dew is everywhere, including the car. You know, the kind that only the sun can dry up. I have to head down to REACH for a final lab draw and then wait.......
  {7:30} I pranced into the lab on the 3rd floor with my little Bijuju bag with my package of goods wrapped in the red tissue paper that my new necklace was once nestled in 4 days ago. I know they mentioned something about brown paper bags, but I only by zip lock and last time I checked brown bags don't zip!  So I thought it a little humorous of my girly bag of manly goods. Oh geeze I never pictured it this way for sure. J would have just shook his head at me, thank goodness he didn't ask the mode of transportation. The cute thing is on the inside of the bag it says "Be Bold" "Be Beautiful".  I thought to myself, "Be bold and courageous!", like the verse quotes.
  Just a little luck with the lab draw this morning... my veins were stingy and blew in the middle of the draw and the other arm has a bruise the size of Texas. Not sure what happened, but I tried to drink a lot of water before I came, but she said they had enough to run the labs with what they pulled from me. {Whew} that was a relief. I truly can't believe how many times I have gotten labs done in the past 7 days. My arms look awful and I don't care about the pain, truly anything for a baby.   The sweet lab lady shared her journey with me and said she will be going through her first IUI this month too. She took my license and told me that purple was my color to look for today. She wrote my {married} last name on every one of the strips and placed them on the {goods}.  She was so calm and quite at times I could barely hear what she was saying to me. She said that she always tries to maintain privacy and with an open lab sometimes it is hard.
 {8:30} and I am back at home. J was snuggled in by our two doozles and so I decided what the heck? A few more hours of Z's won't hurt. So I set the alarm for 9:45 and out I went with my hot pink eye mask with closed black eye lashes on the satin exterior. I am such a girlie girl!
It's {10:02} and we are getting ready to head down to the clinic to meet Dr. K. {Dr. T is  out of town} The only thing weighing on my mind is the {unknown}. What will this feel like? Will I have to take more hormones for the next two weeks? Lord please make the next 2 weeks go as fast as the past 2. Other than that not much bouncing around in my mind, which is good.
 {10:25} On our way to REACH I opened my prayers and promises book and was reminded of a quote that I wrote on the first page, "Look at the test as if God is preparing to use me. It's all about my attitude during this wilderness." I just soaked myself in the scriptures and prayers for conception and the peace just flowed off of the pages. The traffic however was not so peaceful neither were things back at work for J. He was stressed when we finally got there he couldn't really think of what road would be the best to take and so I was pointing and saying commands like "left" and "straight".  He was on the "crack berry" as I call it for the majority of the ride due to work issues. {sigh} Life...  it just swarms around you no matter what.
  {10:45}  Waiting...I am getting pretty good at it, patience, that is.  As J & I sit in the waiting room I noticed a girl ,who looked to be no older than 19, with a beautiful silk pale yellow and pink wrap around her head gracing her left shoulder. The color of her skin told me she was going through chemo and the beginning loss of eye brows was a tale sign of how my chemo babies looked when I worked at the children's hospital. I took a deep breath and I noticed she was alone and fine with that while reading a magazine and holding her "injections" next to her and the designer purse she had tucked beside her. My thoughts wondered to how would I feel if I were having to harvest my eggs in hopes that the doctors would harvest them correctly so that I may one day have the hope of having children? Deep breath. My journey is nothing like hers, although both long and hard roads that neither would choose, but still very different. She is going through this on her own. No one there to hold her hand or lay her head on their shoulder. What a strong women she is, but so young and frail. My mind wondered to talking with my Father about her. I asked him to keep her and her future off spring. I asked him to give her the desires of her heart and to uphold her with His right hand today and everyday she walks this unimaginable journey. Oh how the perspective of my journey was tamed in my mind just by seeing a glimpse of hers.
   {11:40} Met Dr. K for the first time. Nice quiet guy. I am just glad Alice {Dr. T's} nurse was there for someone familiar other than of course J. Alice had me to sign off on the goods that I had earlier checked in with my drivers license and signature and told purple was my color of the day.  So as my eyes danced around the paper I saw both J and I's date of birth and the purple sticker and decided to sign.  The IUI went smooth. No pain, just a little crampy, which is what I expected. What I didn't expect was the tears that started to flow when J reached for my hand when Dr. K started. I couldn't stop the flow. My mind was peaceful but full of excitement, disappointment, hope, exhaustion, all mixed up and flowing out in my tears. I just never dreamed it would take 4 people for me to conceive life, actually 8 {the other 2 MDs, 2 lab techs, Dr. K and Alice}. There is just something about the reality that hit me in the chest at that moment.  I always dreamed of a surprise positive pregnancy test after a vacation or forgetting what week of the month I was on to then figure out that Aunt Flow was late. I just never dreamed it would come to this. But on the flip side to know that God could choose to remember me today and speak life into my womb is overwhelming. Dr. K asked "Are you in pain?". Trying to get the word "No" out was hard. J said, "well hon, it's kinda confusing."  I replied through the tears, "I know". Dr. K helped me out and pulled the hormone card by saying, "well, we have pumped you full of hormones and that can bring on the tears." All of this from start to tear to finish was about 5 min. They left us in the room for about 15 min with the instructions to "stay put" for about 10 min.  Then Alice came back in the room with my instructions to do nothing but normal activity and wait. 
  {12:30}  J and I left the clinic and headed out to drop him off at work. We grabbed Subway an then rushed down to the 1st floor of the mall to the office to "break bread" over a desk in the store. The store was not busy at all, so we just sat there and had lunch over a desk, pretty romantic huh?  Not much was said other than he felt bad that they left off the bacon on my Subway Melt. {Shrug}, I really didn't care. Just wanted to go home and veg out on the couch, which I didn't do.

It's hot.

I'm calm.

We're waiting once again.


Abundance is...  wonderful insurance coverage for my RE visits and treatments {I actually had a credit when we left today after the IUI},  Blessing of a car to take us to the appointments {that was paid off in the year that J did not have a job},  peace that surpasses all understanding from an omnipotent God, the day off, visiting my brother-in-law and watching his renovations from a front row seat in the front yard.  An incredible husband who pulled major strings with an unfriendly boss to get off work for a few hours to be with me. He is my oak during this storm.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Two Black Balloons

Relax....Breath...Believe... Tiny hand painted signs hanging carelessly on the wall. {7:15 a.m.}

Cold... White...  Alone...  sitting on the end of a hard exam table, much like the ones I clean everyday.

Hopeful... Crampy...  Black...  lifted my legs to both rest on one stirrup so that my legs would be closer to my body than dangling from the table... seemed to ease the cramps and pressure in my lower abdomen.  I wore black scrubs with a zebra square neck line today so that I wouldn't scream {NURSE} when I walked into the office. Quite cute and comfy!

Monkeys... Balloons...  Two...  I wore my monkey socks because they say if you want to strike a convo with your RE just wear cute socks. When J and I were dating we would code the "M" word {marriage} by just referring to {so you ready to get a monkey?}  We always said that we would have a pet monkey, because we both always wanted one... until we found out how needy they are and did I mention dirty! Little did I know that this morning I would meet a man as big around as tall today {Dr. Whitesides} who would tell me I have two happy balloons {19mm each} that are waiting to meet the match of their dreams.  Well, he used fewer words like... lining looks good, good, good with 8 striping... Rightee, one at 19, Leftee one at 19. 8, 8, 8 looks good... 8,8,8. {Shrug} guess he liked the #8 and what he saw.

Goo... Womb... Prayer... J and I {love} the Goo Goo Dolls. There is such truth and depth to their lyrics. As I was getting my labs done today the song {Black Balloon} was on. It made me happy and think of J. I thought it interesting that the words {womb} and {prayer} are in the song. Selena the nursing assistant to Dr. Teaff called to let me know I need to take my ovidrel ASAP. She asked me how soon I could and I told her I could take it in the next 30 min- 1 hour. She was ok with that. She spouted off all these instructions and I jotted them all down on my blue plavix sticky pad crammed them in my purse and drove home to get my injection.  My God-send friend Paula, who has been praying with me along this journey gave me the injection and without asking laid her hand on my stomach after the ovidrel was in and prayed over my womb and the eggs and healthy sperm. {12:12pm} Wow... what a morning.
Shocked... Happy... Calm...  I called J immediately after receiving the phone call from Selena and he was in as much shock as I was. He stumbled a bit with his words and said let me make a few phone calls. It is very hard for him to find someone to cover his shift or take a day off. Our friend David was in the store and I could hear a sweet 2 yo voice of Lilly in the background... a miracle in herself. I text J after we hung up the phone to have David pray for him before he left the store. I am happy that the IUI will be sooner than I thought. I was truly planning on Saturday, latest Sunday. My spirit is calm in knowing God is {all-knowing} and I don't have to be. I am just along for the ride. Waiting...

Black Balloon
Goo Goo Dolls
Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

Comin' down the world turned overAnd angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I'll go on to bring you home
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become

What you became to me

Friday, June 4, 2010

Show us Your Life: Random acts of kindness

This is my *Splash* of Summer RAKs-*_*-
Super excited to see what ideas you have... just leave them in the comment box. That would be a RAK for me! ;)  I love comments!  {Sorry about all the * and -*_*- I am in a silly Friday before you go on vacation moment}
Here are a few of my thoughts and I can't wait to hear about yours.
I have done some of these and the others need to be {acted} out for real!

1. Keeping McDonald dollars in my glove compartment to give to the

homeless people who stand near exit 22.

2. Paying for the person behind me in line at a drive thru. or line.

3. Offering to pay for the gas of the person a few pumps over from me.

4. Walking into a laundry mat to help another lady do her laundry by giving her a bag of quarters and then staying to help her fold her laundry.

5. Stopping by a grave yard to pray with someone standing at a fresh grave.

6. Stopping to share a smile or encouraging word with the lady frantically walking down the street with what looks like all she owns bulging out of several wal-mart bags. (seriously see several of these ladies walking down new hope, always scared to do it though)

7. Simple text to tell someone they were on my heart and mind.

8. Surprise snail mail! I love it and love sending it!

Such a sweet surprise to get something cute with your name on the front

jumbled in between mundane junk mail.
Let's get some comments rolling and see what kind of R.A.K. a Roo's we can get...

Snowballs in Summer: a weather report of faith -from AnnVoskamp's {awakened eye}


   This picture brought me a  great big 'ole smile that you just couldn't wipe away. Ann's words, so simple and true through her Snowballs in Summer Post: a weather report of faith. I was first intrigued by the "snowball" pictures because it reminds me of a wonderful time in my child hood of playing barefoot in the grass and dirt next to my grandmothers overgrown blue "snowball" bush. I love how Ann saw these as a "clutch of fragile hopes", so pure and white. This just warms my soul today.
  Last night I was hit with a phrase "It will happen, it will happen, it will happen." I have a hopeful spirit today, a big 'ole grin kinda hope. It's so good to hear a promising weather report of faith today!

I know what she feels when she says...

Waiting for the impossible.

It's hot.

And there are snowballs in summer.

With man this is impossible, but not with God;

all things are possible with God.

~Mark 10:27

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Placebo vs. Real Deal

Welcome to day 5 of the clomid bus!  So far we have dodged the hot flashes, swerved around the mountain of breast tenderness and avoided any adverse reactions to the oh so precious {clomid bus}.  J is shouting Hallelujah as we pull in for a pit stop around mid week around the 9th or 10th of June or so. I will keep you posted on the mapping of the journey for sure!  Starting to wonder if the Pharm. slipped me the placebo in stead of the real deal. ;) We will see on Monday at my u/s. 
  Looks like the weekend holds a lot for us too!  He fishes and I head to the sand!  It's a weekend apart and of course it will be bitter sweet. I am taking off to the beach for a much needed girls weekend and J is heading to the mountains for a guys fishing frenzy.  Should be a great weekend and we are both looking forward to a great time with friends.
  Speaking of friends... How many of you go to a church where you have friends that you share life with regularly?  We attend a large church where it is easy to slip in and out of and be virtually invisible for years {trust me I was great at it}. So when I was {Awakened} I realized we didn't have any friends at our church. It was our own fault for not involving ourselves in the lives of those around us.  Now don't get me wrong I am very cautious in who I open up to, but you know what I am getting at. It is crucial to involve yourselves in other Believers' lives; almost like being adopted into a family.  You need to walk through life together.
  I can honestly say that without the core group of friends, non-married ones too, I have no idea what spinning spiral I could have let myself go down in the past 6 months.  I have leaned on their prayers and encouraging words and {girls night outs} to pull me through. I don't want to paint the wrong picture for you here... I have an incredible, happy, and full life with many fun times and belly laughing moments.  It's just when you get down to the "nitty-gritty" dirt of life do you have those to call on when you {NEED} someone to pray {RIGHT} then for you or a situation? 
I encourage you to examine yourself and your life to see if you have these people in your life. If not look for ways to connect with other believers that may possibly be as accessible as the pew behind you on Sunday Mornings.  I am not talking about family ties here.  Families are awesome if they are functional that is ;) And they are great to have close by. But let's face it we can't spend every weekend or eye opened moment with them. So, I am thinking you are getting the point here...
Branch out
of your usual
{comfort zone}

You may find 
someone you 
really connect with 
just possibly 
they are going 
through the same thing
have been through 
the journey you are walking.
The good, bad, beautiful &
the ugly. 

So let me ask you...
Are you living the life of a Placebo and just going through the motions with no real effect on your life?
Or are you living the real deal with real people around you to share life with?

Trust me... I have "taken" both pills and the {real deal} is deffinately the way to go. 
I wouldn't want to live life any other way. 

I know this post is kinda long, but bear with me. I need your response on this one ...

This Thursday is the beginning of a new leadership for me.  I will be stepping in as the President of the women's ministry at UR Church. I am so excited!  Ideas have been flooding my head for months and the Lord has been pouring the Word into me for these ladies.  So many of them have come to me saying "I want to be a part of the Women's ministry, I have never felt like I could be apart."  Ultimately I see that as a plea of "hey I need girlfriends too!"  So being the youngest President my Pastor has appointed, I am stepping up to the pitchers' mound Thursday night at Fills.  I am not sure of the response to the pitch that will be thrown, but I will give it all that He has downloaded into me.  I have to it is my obligation to share the Word and ideas He has given me for this time and season.
  So in my new quest to help {busy} women connect I have found a few ways such as a blog of course used more like a web site.  The usual Women's retreat and so on, but I want to reach out to the women  who feels like she is all alone and left behind.  So that's why I need you to brain storm too! Maybe you have been that women and you know exactly what it took to get you to "wake up" or maybe you have seen something that has worked in your church.
I am going to post a linky where you can respond to this question. I have used these before and only one person responded, but this is different and a little more intense than java recipes ;)  So click on the {click here, your next} and let me know your thoughts on how to creatively connect women walking out the Christian faith every day.

Abundance is... a fun weekend planned with the girls for beach and shopping!  {No} side effects from clomid.. wha hoo! What more could a girl ask for? The number 3 is starting to scare me, just a tad, but I am open as long as it ends in abundance. Perfection.