From An Awakened Eye

Monday, June 13, 2011

Full circle...two week wait....

This time last year I was in my 2 week wait or 2WW. Only the infertile understand that wait. It's been 12 months since we started the process of pregnancy and I am taken by the memories.  Some I never want to relive and some I would relive every day. I was reading through this post and remember the nervousness in the calm of the storm. I remember looking around and spotting a baby belly before she stepped out of the car. I remember dreaming of what our child would look like and if I were pregnant in a year I would have a 3 month old.
  Here I am on the other side holding this smiling 3 month old who thinks I am the world. My heart melts at the chance to jump up out of bed when he cries or to walk into a room and see that little mouth spread wide.  I am truly happy. My heart is overjoyed. I could have never dreamed or imagined this love, this feeling, this joy. I am truly blessed to have carried a child to term. I thank my God for my healthy and perfect Eli.  His big blue eyes stare into mine and I am looking forward to telling him one day just how much he was wanted and how incredible it is to live a dream come true.
  My heart is overjoyed but reminicient of how it felt to long, pray, cry and plead for a child. I am a better women, mother and wife for the journey I have walked. I see life in a whole new light and for that I am greateful.
  We have come full circle.  In our 5 years of marriage we have built our first home, had our first child and enjoyed a fulfilled life. We are so blessed. The weekend entailed celebration of life, death and prosperity. As I look back and reflect I am truly thankful.
  A dear friend lost her mom to cancer on June 7th. She was and incredible lady with an amazing smile and a contagious laugh.  I can hear her voice now saying my mothers name and laughing as we all joined in the laughter. It is a mixture of emotions. Happy that she is now in her mansion prepared by Jesus; Sad that her laughter is a memory. My heart aches for my dear childhood friend. She will not have her mother here to see the birth of her children and to watch them grow. She will not get to experience what I have with my mother over the past 3 1/2 months with Eli.  I know God will keep her and send her angels to help and watch over her in the abscence of her mother. 
  I am thankful that January of this year my mother was given a second chance at life with the placement of a heart stent in a 99% blockage that could have taken her into eternity. Instead God allowed her to stay here.  I can honestly say He knew I couldn't handle loosing her. I once again am reminded how fragile life can be and is. It can be taken from us in 4 months or a second. I keep thinking of the verse that says we are "not promised tomorrow" and "life is but a vapor".

  Today my mother and father are celebrating their 47th anniversary. I am so thankful for their role model.

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