From an Awakened Eye: May 2011

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Packing and Planning and Dreaming

Whew, what a weekend... We spent it packing! Yes, packing up our entire house. We have sold it and are looking to be out in 4 weeks! We know the sweet couple moving in and she came by this weekend and went through the house buying drapes and rugs and decor. Which was cool that she is keeping everything the same. Made me feel good. She was worried she couldn't match up things as well as I have them and she knew it would mean less for me to pack, which was sweet. So 60% of the kitchen is packed and I feel good about that. Jonathan was walking around like a lost puppy not knowing where to dig. I had to redirect him several times after he packed up items that we will still need until the final day... like towels and wash cloths!!! He had already moved them to storage before I knew he left us 4 wash cloths and 3 towels!!! lol I just laugh. He is clueless and thinks we can move in a week. He quickly found out that either the process was going to be quick and painful for Eli or slow and pleasant for our little guy. He does have fussy spells where only a trip out side calms him. Sunday was one of those days and I just basically wore him around and continued packing. I think mom has spoiled him a bit, but he does have a relentless spirit to him. He doesn't give up until he gets what he wants... trust me I have let him cry it out and he NEVER gets it out! lol
So we are packing and also planning... our Summer vacation. We are going back to the outer banks. His uncle goes and invites us for a week out of their 2 week stay. He likes to take J on the boat, they are just alitke in so many ways. They are fishing buddies for sure. We are probably taking my parents too. We just have to figure out the logistics on all of it, but I'm excited to take Eli to the beach. I just know he will love it as much as he loves to be outside.
Speaking of loves... We have found the perfect house for us...by God's grace the offer and negotiating that will occure this week will be in our favor. I feel like we are in a hot air balloon grabbing at the best looking cloud to call home... we may be able to grab it and call it our own, and we may not. The market is SO competetive and different than ever these days. It is a scarry, but fun ride. The unknown of where we will call home and raise our babies is so very real and concerning to me. I know God has it all in His hands and He will open up the path we need and what will be best for us.

All so exciting and very different... but it is the rhythm of life and I am just along for the ride. Praising God for a wonderful life full of blessings and love. I'm just so happy he gave me a wonderful best friend and husband to love and a baby boy to call my own. Life is good!

EWO,
Jen

Monday, May 23, 2011

Growing Love

I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but never understood all it entailed until I became one. Even after all the dreaming and wanting, I could never wrap my heart around the feelings it entailed. Now that I have been a mommy for 12 incredible weeks I understand. I can not tell you how many times I look at Eli and just cry. Big crocadile tears begin to flow when I think about him and how he came into our lives 12 short weeks ago ....actually he came into our lives on June 11th 2010. I still have the voice mail message on my phone from Dr. T's office telling me my PG levels and that she scheduled my first ultrasound. I have that picture of that "little bug" staring at me at my desk. Right beside a picture of his smiling face.

I just look at it and smile... I am just so thankful to have carried that "little bug". I now know what it means to have your heart live on the outside of you. I now know how it feels to have my heart melt from a little boy's smile. I know how it feels to have his breathing on my chest take my breath away. His sweet little hands with little dimples laying on my chest and he nurses. I know how it feels to be wanted and the key to his happiness and contentment. Can I tell you.... It is the best feeling in the world! I could have never imagined the feeling of being a mother until being one.

My heart is so swollen with love and the newness of motherhood. I knew it was a gift, but I did not know the full meaning of the gift. Now I know that what I asked for in so many prayers, tears and longings of my heart will and has taught me to be a better women than I was before. The process of the journey was long and hard and most have longer and bumpier roads, but today and every day I look at the miricale in my arms and Praise my God for him. This gift has taught me so much the past 29 months. So now I am soaking it all in and every inch of him makes me squeel! Sometimes he squeels back and I never knew I could smile so big.

I can not say that our family is complete, but I am so happy and in love with our little family.

God is so faithful and I am so thankful and blessed.

I truly know what it means to say, "my cup runneth over".

"I thank my God for you every time I remember you."

Phillipians 1:3

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows."

Palms 23:5

EWO,
Jenny H

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Back after Baby

Well I'm back at work as of Wed. and thank God we have been super busy. I of course miss my little man, but he is well loved and taken care of by Grammy (my mom). I do love rushing home to his smiling face & he doesn't leave my arms unless he is getting a bath or diaper change. I am so thankful for this little boy & I am loving being his mommy. I feel blessed, happy and overjoyed that tomorrow is Friday!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

My 1st Mother's Day... thank you for this sweet gift my Eli

So in order for me to hold back the water works I will let the pictures do the talking....

Thursday, May 5, 2011

He is so Faithful...Looking back with a prayer for tomorrow

I am reminded of this everyday as I look at my sweet boy, Eli. I am also taken back to the day when we found out we were pregnant with him... June 25th 2010 to be exact. You can read about that day here. I am beyond thankful that while I was going through the hardest time in my life God felt the closest. He told me to trust Him and that He would remain faithful. It was in those darkest hours that I remember Him holding me and visiting me in dreams and telling me His Promises. I miss Him. Being a new mommy these past 10 weeks have be all consuming. J took my Bible out of the computer case and placed it on the counter and my 1st thought was, "there you are, I've missed you", like a favorite watch that you've misplaced, but needed so many times before finding it again.
Oh Father, thank you for Your faithfulness. Thank you for always being there even when I am not. Thank you for getting me through these past 10 weeks. Even though we have only spoken, I have missed Your Word so much. It is the early hours and my heart is so overjoyed with love for this boy you have given us. I never want to take him or You for granted. Teach me to balance this task of motherhood as You intended. I place before you my fears of failure as a mother for you have given me this gift not to fail, but because you know you can trust me with this little life that looks and me and knows my face, my voice, the smell of my skin. You have woven him so intricately and precious and for that I am grateful. This year I will face one of the days I use to dread with full arms this time. Thank you Father for this gift of Life that I now call Eli. Thank you for the moments we have experienced over the past 10 weeks. You are so faithful. I love you not only for Your gifts, but for your love, mercy and goodness that floods my soul. You are the Creator of all, and for that I am truly thankful.

EWO,
Jennifer

Thank you Father for placing life once again in my dear friend's womb. Please be with her and sustain this life. You have been with her during her losses. Please hold her as I could never do and get her through the next 35 weeks. I ask that you allow her to experience a Mother's Day as I have before me with full arms and Life within them. You are good, so good.