From An Awakened Eye

Monday, May 23, 2011

Growing Love

I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but never understood all it entailed until I became one. Even after all the dreaming and wanting, I could never wrap my heart around the feelings it entailed.  Now that I have been a mommy for 12 incredible weeks I understand.  I can not tell you how many times I look at Eli and just cry. Big crocadile tears begin to flow when I think about him and how he came into our lives 12 short weeks ago ....actually he came into our lives on June 11th 2010. I still have the voice mail message on my phone from Dr. T's office telling me my PG levels and that she scheduled my first ultrasound.  I have that picture of that "little bug" staring at me at my desk. Right beside a picture of his smiling face.

I just look at it and smile... I am just so thankful to have carried that "little bug".  I now know what it means to have your heart live on the outside of you. I now know how it feels to have my heart melt from a little boy's smile. I know how it feels to have his breathing on my chest take my breath away.  His sweet little hands with little dimples laying on my chest and he nurses. I know how it feels to be wanted and the key to his happiness and contentment. Can I tell you.... It is the best feeling in the world! I could have never imagined the feeling of being a mother until being one.
My heart is so swollen with love and the newness of motherhood. I knew it was a gift, but I did not know the full meaning of the gift. Now I know that what I asked for in so many prayers, tears and longings of my heart will and has taught me to be a better women than I was before. The process of the journey was long and hard and most have longer and bumpier roads, but today and every day I look at the miricale in my arms and Praise my God for him. This gift has taught me so much the past 29 months.  So now I am soaking it all in and every inch of him makes me squeel! Sometimes he squeels back and I never knew I could smile so big.
I can not say that our family is complete, but I am so happy and in love with our little family.
God is so faithful and I am so thankful and blessed.
I truly know what it means to say, "my cup runneth over".

"I thank my God for you every time I remember you."
Phillipians 1:3
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
 my cup overflows."
Palms 23:5
Jenny H

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