From An Awakened Eye

Saturday, January 23, 2010

It will be worth it all

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its works as that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

Today I am thanking James for writing the above scripture. As I read it I think about pure joy? I want to say "seriously James, pure joy?" At this time in James life he was experiencing the death of many Christians, including Stephen, and other "members in the church" as we would call it today. I can just see it...them going to meet at Stephen's place and saying, "hey where is Stephen?" (or so-and-so) "he's dead".  How horrible! Christians were fleeing Jerusalem to Judea and Samaria (Acts 1:8).  And in the midst of all of this James writes to them, and us, to consider these trials ALL JOY! He is telling us to look beyond the painful surface at the small picture, (1 Corinthians 13:12 (The Message) We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!)because we only see through the glass dimly lit, and look for what God was doing in spite of it all. I can hear him (James) say, "guys it will be worth it, in the end this trial will be worth it."

 Joanna Weaver, a wonderful vessel used by God to author "Having a Mary Hearth in a Martha World", wrote this very true statement, "The trouble, of course, is that most of the time we'd rather not persevere. We all want a testimony, but we'd rather skip the test that gives us one. We all want a product. But we'd rather skip the process."

A process takes time and that is something I am not willing to face. I of course want it now! Because a process is most of the time painful emotionally, physically and mentally.  There isn't a pill to "fix" the process.  There isn't a magic answer that anyone can give you... it is a process. Sometimes one of purification, readjusting and remolding. We all know this process is just plain hard.  We all have our time  on the "processing wheel".  I foolishly set a timeline in which "i just know" God will be finished with processing me.

Time is something I am use to giving God, although I do not like it.  I am not sure of the significance of the # 7 in my life, but it took 7 years of "process" to marry the "man of my dreams". 3 years in solitude and depression, 2 years of being at a college in the "desert", 2 years of betrayal from friends, which totals... you guessed it 7! I have been in this quiet place with him quite often. I must need a lot of processing! One thing is for sure, I have came out different every time. Which I am assuming this means the process worked!

So here I am again looking at the end of year 1 of this "process".  The good thing is I am not alone this time!  We all know support is good. Sharing things with others is too! Which is why God placed it on my heart to open a prayer blog.  I tend to be a pretty private person. I'm not sure if it is because of insecurities or what, so it has been incredible to be in this with others.

Today has been one of those days where J can just look at me and I cry, I don't, I hold it back. I have never been a cry baby.  This whole thing is new to me I am sure may be worse once I am pregnant. I'm sure he senses when I am having a hard  day because at the right moment he slips in an unexpected, "I love you" or look.

So today I think on these things, "whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." {Phil 4:8}.  And also on James 1:2-4 as above.

Abundance is... celebrating  with family Drew's 1st birthday,  friends that have walked similar paths and came out victorious,  a wonderful husband that is sensitive to my feelings,  Braylee wanting to be as close to me as possible today. She is asleep in my lap between me and the laptop!  She senses mommy's hurting heart too.  

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