From An Awakened Eye

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day!

What can I say I am a Daddy's girl... his Princess to be exact. In every card he signs... to my Princess. I am the only girl of 4 children. My dad will tell you he prayed for me. I am 10 years younger than my other brothers so that kinda makes me like their "only child" since I was seven. Yep, that's right, my last brother married when I was seven.
So today I made my dad dinner. We had Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, garlic bread and P.D. Banana Pudding! Oh my, are we stuffed!
Me & Dad
Excuse the hair... it was a long day.
Rewind to Saturday...
I was by my self a lot this weekend because J worked and
DJ'd a wedding Sunday night {I know what a night to get married?}
so this is what my weekend with the "girls" looked like...

A Chicken Broccoli Ring I made Saturday for lunch!
 comment if you want the recipe.
I'm too tired to put it up tonight, but don't mind sharing later.
Step 1:
Step 2:

Us waiting until it baked in the oven for 15 min:
This is what they do while I cook... They want to help so bad!
Taste test that is! ;)
Blurry Reagan and Braylee:

Our 1st time eating apples! We love them!

Ta-da! Perfecto! Yummy!
an no I didn't eat the whole thing, I actually made a smaller one for myself and split it with J.  I was recycling chicken we had gotten at Milano's and some broccoli that was in the refridge.

Chilling out Sunday night after a long day

Tuckered out!

Night Night...

It was a long frustrating day. You ever had the feeling "the day was not my own"? 
I was not able to do things that I had wanted to do today.
I had a shower to attend from 3-5
Wedding... that I didn't go to.
I was able to try a new recipe out for my dad that was a hit.
I have decided that my kitchen is my happy place.
I just whip up whatever and wash away my thoughts in the sink.
Today was more tough than I thought.
I feel guilty that J is going through another Father's day "fatherless".
I feel I have failed him in not being able to bear him a child to celebrate this day with.
{shrug} completely natural, but this is the bottom of my frustration today.
Along with 2 of our friend have announced in the past week that they are expecting.
I am happy for them. It was easy for them.
They had not invested the months of praying fasting and crying,
 begging God for a child as I have, and it hurts.
It has nothing to do with the fact of what we have materially to provide for a child.
We could provide everything, tomorrow!
That adds to the frustration.
I see people expecting and they own nothing, not even the roof over their head.
That is why God will provide for them and be their Provider.
Just as He will be mine, in a different way.
I will never understand why my trial is before the conception and their trial is after.
I could handle a 9 month trial period.
Just tell me where the first pit stop is of this triatholon.
Or if there is a finish line and will I cross it with my arms full?
Yeah, it will probably be another restless night.
Going to bed now... frustrated, irritable and hormonally drained.
I snapped at J tonight and come to find out I heard him completely wrong.
So I am putting myself to bed before someone gets hurt. :(
On to a better tomorrow!

Abundance is... A wonderful Father who loves me and almost tears up every time he hugs me.
I am his heart and I still have a finger print on it.
Forgiveness for all the ugly thoughts I have had today, for worrying
when it's not my place to worry.
For loosing it when it's not my place to hold it.
Grace that covers it all.
Mercy to make it through another day.
Heavenly Father who is the giver of {forgiveness}, {mercy}, and {grace}.
{deep breath} It will happen.


  1. "Those who know your name trust in you,
    for you, O LORD, have never abandoned anyone who searches for you." Psalm 9:10
    He has not forgotten you, He knows your desires, every piece of your heart and He will answer you. Delight in Him by seeking Him, loving on Him and trusting Him. Take hold of His hand and let Him lead.
    Love you.

  2. Thinking about and praying for ya girl! We would love a baby but don't have health insurance right now so it's tough. Every time someone else calls to say they are pregnant I am happy but a little bitter. Thanks for the advice on the kitchen lighting! I'm headed to Lowe's tomm to figure out the deal on can lights! Hopefully they are something Adam can do himself. I'll let ya know how that goes!