From An Awakened Eye

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Two Black Balloons

Relax....Breath...Believe... Tiny hand painted signs hanging carelessly on the wall. {7:15 a.m.}

Cold... White...  Alone...  sitting on the end of a hard exam table, much like the ones I clean everyday.

Hopeful... Crampy...  Black...  lifted my legs to both rest on one stirrup so that my legs would be closer to my body than dangling from the table... seemed to ease the cramps and pressure in my lower abdomen.  I wore black scrubs with a zebra square neck line today so that I wouldn't scream {NURSE} when I walked into the office. Quite cute and comfy!

Monkeys... Balloons...  Two...  I wore my monkey socks because they say if you want to strike a convo with your RE just wear cute socks. When J and I were dating we would code the "M" word {marriage} by just referring to {so you ready to get a monkey?}  We always said that we would have a pet monkey, because we both always wanted one... until we found out how needy they are and did I mention dirty! Little did I know that this morning I would meet a man as big around as tall today {Dr. Whitesides} who would tell me I have two happy balloons {19mm each} that are waiting to meet the match of their dreams.  Well, he used fewer words like... lining looks good, good, good with 8 striping... Rightee, one at 19, Leftee one at 19. 8, 8, 8 looks good... 8,8,8. {Shrug} guess he liked the #8 and what he saw.

Goo... Womb... Prayer... J and I {love} the Goo Goo Dolls. There is such truth and depth to their lyrics. As I was getting my labs done today the song {Black Balloon} was on. It made me happy and think of J. I thought it interesting that the words {womb} and {prayer} are in the song. Selena the nursing assistant to Dr. Teaff called to let me know I need to take my ovidrel ASAP. She asked me how soon I could and I told her I could take it in the next 30 min- 1 hour. She was ok with that. She spouted off all these instructions and I jotted them all down on my blue plavix sticky pad crammed them in my purse and drove home to get my injection.  My God-send friend Paula, who has been praying with me along this journey gave me the injection and without asking laid her hand on my stomach after the ovidrel was in and prayed over my womb and the eggs and healthy sperm. {12:12pm} Wow... what a morning.
Shocked... Happy... Calm...  I called J immediately after receiving the phone call from Selena and he was in as much shock as I was. He stumbled a bit with his words and said let me make a few phone calls. It is very hard for him to find someone to cover his shift or take a day off. Our friend David was in the store and I could hear a sweet 2 yo voice of Lilly in the background... a miracle in herself. I text J after we hung up the phone to have David pray for him before he left the store. I am happy that the IUI will be sooner than I thought. I was truly planning on Saturday, latest Sunday. My spirit is calm in knowing God is {all-knowing} and I don't have to be. I am just along for the ride. Waiting...

Black Balloon
Goo Goo Dolls
Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

Comin' down the world turned overAnd angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I'll go on to bring you home
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become

What you became to me

1 comment:

  1. Wow this is awesome! That song was so perfect for your situation. I have been praying my heart out for you girl and I know all things will work together according to God's plan. I love you so much and can't wait to babysit your sweet little baby one day!